who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
