i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
