its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
