From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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