I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
