When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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