The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Randomize
