My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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