does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
