Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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