careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My balls are so social today.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
