You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
