how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i think my cat just said my name.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
