Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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