I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
