I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
