D3 body, D1 cock
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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