I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
