I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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