Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
