The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
