somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I will be naked everywhere
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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