I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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