For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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