Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
