we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize