How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
