I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
is it fun? or sober?
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