I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
