i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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