my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize