he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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