you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
