Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize