There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
