When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
