Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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