i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Randomize
