My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
