i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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