In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
