my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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