I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
