I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
