I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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