If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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