I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
