not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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