At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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