How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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