rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...