what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
