end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
