dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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