I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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