I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
