I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They took my balls.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
