Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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